h0odrich:

mom: where are you going its almost midnight

me: out

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nursejoy:

me when i’m not ok but I don’t want people to worry about me

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dinkweed:

i am so threatened by pretty girls they are terrifying 

amoying:

when you realise you’ve eaten more than the rest of your friends at a party

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fuckinq:

I went jogging this morning and i noticed a guy was following me and i was so scared lmfao my heart was pounding and then he finally caught up to me and said “hey you dropped 50 bucks” and i took it and started running and while i’m running i’m laughing because the 50 dollars didn’t belong to me

princehomo:

lordpayne:

this was like two years ago

but anyways so in this one part of my house there’s these three steps but omg they’re deadly

one time i was eating cereal and i slipped and fell and passed out and my cereal got everywhere. My sister said the last thing I yelled before I passed out was

"MY CEREAL!!!"

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i’m not ashamed of this anymore this is real this is me

I am seeing nothing but WEEEEED all over my dashboard. Haha. Happy 420 folks.

robotmango:

gooqueen:

every year after you turn 17 you get further away from being the age of the dancing queen and that’s my least favorite thing about growing up

ah but when you turn 34 you’re two dancing queens and thus having twice the time of your life. and at 51 you become the dancing triumvirate and three golden crowns are forged in your honor

lots to look forward to

penaltybox:

IM JEALOUS OF COUNTRIES THAT TEACH LANGUAGES TO CHILDREN FROM A YOUNG AGE SO BY THE TIME THEYRE LIKE 18 THEYRE BILINGUAL . IN MY ELEVEN YEARS OF AMERICAN PUBLIC SCHOOLING I CAN NAME YOU LIKE 5 COLORS IN SPANISH